Jobs....

Seeing as I am officially unemployed in 4 weeks, I started thinking of what I am going to do next. I came up with a list of jobs that I am now qualified for after teaching English in Korea for 14 months.

Interpreter - I have learned to process a mixture of discordant sound effects and flurried hand gestures in my brain and extrapolate a meaning that is 93.4% correct. When broken English is added, my success rate jumps to 98.7%.

Editor - After reading and marking about 100 student essays per month, I am an expert at finding and correcting misplaced commas, sentence fragments, multiple uses of the be verb, and overuse of the electronic dictionary for words beyond vocabulary level and unrelated to context.

Stand Up Comedian - I have developed and perfected a repertoire of funny voices, accents, slapstick humor, goofy faces, and exaggerated body movements. I can be humerous on the spot, even under the pressure of fifteen bored students.

Celebrity Interviewer - I can get anyone to talk about any subject. Bring on everyone from Angelina Jolie to Justin Timberlake. I can handle them all.

Walking Dictionary/Thesaurus - Need a quick explanation of any word? I'm the person to go to. I can explain even the most complex word in the simplest of terms so that anyone can understand.

News Spinner - Fourteen months worth of writing report card and essay comments have given me the ability to make even the most annoying and stupid student sound like a wonderfully behaved genius without even breaking a sweat.

Anyone willing to hire me?